An Inquisitive Childhood

Walking across the ravine
The dew drops on the ferns
I tell my sis that the seeds on the
Undersides are fairy eggs and when i am alone
I walk softly to try to catch them unawares hatching from their tiny enclosures
Such a calming place only the mice and the garter snakes and the salamanders to watch
Me as i explore them and walk
Among the skunk cabbages
So beautiful to me i don’t mind the smell
All my senses are entertained as i walk across the
Fallen log I’m angry enough to jump off
Into the creek below
Soon though, the shade and the
Quiet tinkling soothes me and I am
At peace once more
Climbing high into the trees above
Perhaps not so high as they seemed.


Escape From Bitter Thought

Quickly written notes on my hands
to remind me of the things I’ll soon forget.
Wash away the faded ink,
the stains wont go away.
And still remembering
my greatest fears with cowering regret,
because I cant forget, I’ll never forget.

Juicy juicy lullabies and still I sit and scream.
You try to lay and sleep with me and say things I don’t mean.
Restless sleep and drunk dumb bums and liars on TV
how can I trust the world when noone’s trusting me?

I told you to turn over and go back to sleep
Because it was so...
I don’t know...
Just so much.
I didn’t say more than that but I kept on talking
about how I’m still me.
Striking myself after you do
crouched in the corner of the bedroom.
Who knew that the fetal position could be such an escape.
From the raised voices outside,

The green smell of the lawnmowers.
Don’t put your foot in the blades because they’ll cut you.
Decapitated snakes still wriggling
they didn’t heed the warning.
I look out my window
as the rest of the day goes by.
And I struggle to unlatch
the clasp that keeps my window latched
my nails crack.
Frustration,
and all I want to do
is to be free.
Jumping,
though it’ll hurt my feet.

Things have hurt worse before.


Still, Silent Waiting

Pleading
I lock myself in the closet
Closing my eyes tight
I don’t want to see the light
From the crack in the door
So I close my eyes once more
After seeing
That you’re leaving
And I'm happy

Venturing out that door
After waiting for so long
Fifteen damn years I have been waiting
After calling me a whore
I knew you wouldn’t understand
My not trusting that despotic plague of love
But why should I?

All I got when I gave love a chance
Was a broken heart
And a little romance
Self disgust, a bit remorse
I didn’t think things could get worse
Didn’t think things could get worse
Now I’m hopeless!

Claws sink into my back
Something tearing at my skin
I abhor these things so much
Yet of which I can’t let go

The demon from within
Leaving scratches on my wrists
Being blinded from seeing
That that demon was me

I wish I didn’t know happiness
So I wouldn’t know
What it’s like to be
Without--